No More Waiting... (revised)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Because of my hectic work schedule with Spring Break and all, I will not be able to film and release my new video this this coming week. Once things slow down a bit, I'll come up with a new release date. <3


Hey you!

The past few months I've been through a lot of ups and downs, and places I'm not quite sure where they lie. All of these variations have brought a lot of personal growth, from the way I look at relationships/friendships, to the way I work, and even my views on art.

Always, until this point, I've held back from releasing songs or ideas, until I could get the highest quality versions of my visions that I could, but that's all about to change. I'm taking my own initiative. I will admit, however, the quality has changed literally, because I recently bought a HD camera for my pictures and videos, which has really put some holes in my pocket. But as far as my limitations with my instrumentation go, and my resources; I'm going to use what I have and see where that takes me. I like to think of Cyndi Lauper, and how some of her most iconic looks/fashion stemmed from her lack of money, but ever-flowing creativity. That's what I want to do...

I like to think of the new video I'll be debuting, and the way I'll be expressing MYSELF, and my creativity, as an example of that. Gomorrah Alice is: COMING OUT OF THE COSTUME CLOSET. "The Costume Closet" is the name of the semi-live acoustic original song I'll be releasing this coming week. And potentially the name of the new EP I hope to release this summer. (More on that later)


RELEASING THE VIDEO:

Starting today (Thursday), up until Monday (5 days), I will be releasing hints and peeks into my new video. I'll be releasing these hints and peeks on social network sites, so if you need to know which ones, feel free to ask me. And because of a hectic work schedule with my day job, I think I'll plan on releasing the actual video on Wednesday. I'll decide what time later on.

Artistic Growth Notes:

I decided I wanted to take things more seriously, and really become the artist I want to be; I started with finding a new stage name, and also my female name: "Gomorrah Alice." There's an empowerment from naming yourself that can't easily be described.

Why 'Gomorrah?'

1. I think it sounds beautiful. 2. Because it reminds me of Mariah (Carey) - my favorite singer. 3. And lastly, because I like the thought of having a name with weight on it (biblically), because I live with a lot of weight on my shoulders, and I think such an outcast-like name is applicable.

And the reason for 'Alice,' is simply because I deeply admire Alice in Wonderland, and Through the Looking Glass. The stories and the characters are so stimulating to my imagination.

Another big change for me, is that I've been dieting/eating healthy since after Valentines Day, and have lost a bit of weight, and really slimmed down. It's not that I think I'm fat, as most people so blatantly assume, but because I have an image I would like to evoke for my artistry, and personal reasons. The diet part has been going well, but I really need to get a car again, so I can start going to my Zumba classes and get more exercise.

How are you? I hope you're all doing super swell. Plan on seeing lots more of me. *MUAH!*

-Morrah xoxo

Dear *Fairy* Drag Mother (Letter #3)

Disclaimer: the reason I did not post this back in Jaunary, was because I was considering making it into a book; now I'm not sure if I'll do that, or write another book I have in mind.

Dear Fairy Drag Mother,

stop touching your face while you read this, or you’re gonna cut yoself.

I need to start this story the night before, because it certainly is a tie into the story. The night before New Years, I decided to pop the champagne's cherry early, because work had been very stressful on me, and a certain straight boy had been tampering with my heart strings like a 6 year old boy with chopsticks on a ukulele.

It started out a few sips here and there, and before I knew it, I married the bottle to my arm, and wouldn't let it go. I discussed with my sister and the straight boy, the complexities of my gender, and my life, and how every moment in public - every second on the plains if new terrain (people); I fight severe anxiety, fear, and preconceived allegations. Obviously the pagne had hit me pretty good, to consider discussing such complexities with them. It's not that they couldn't understand had they deeply wanted to, but if they didn't have a strong desire, I might as well put on an alien costume, and have said "this is my natural state."

I'm not one to burst into angry profanities and sharp speed talking without a cause, but again, the pagne was definitely a-bubblin'. I babbled for a long time about how impossible it feels to me, to ever have a relationship, let alone any sexual, physical, or emotional acknowledgment from someone I mutually desire. I told them about how lately, I picture myself far away from civilization, in a large wheat field on a warm, windy, summer day - my draping gypsy dress, hair and scarves are billowing about. I have long curly crimson red hair, and I truly accept and believe I'm beautiful. The reason I'm far away in this field, is because I am a creature, I'm too much of a man for the straight boys, and too much of a girl for the gay boys. I'm unclaimed, except by myself. And to find harmony within myself, I must be distanced from society’s grasp.

They both tried to tell me that they believe I'll find someone soon enough, and that they're definitely going to say 'I told you so,' because I so strongly claimed I didn’t believe it. I want/ed to desperately, but it seems my hopeful energy has always been leaning on the wrong wall. Positivity after all, requires a large portion of vulnerability, because you have to instill it with the possibility of being struck down.

After a while, I decided I wanted to take a bath. Suddenly, the childlike side that usually runs rampant when I have the pagne, began to play frantically. "Let's all take a bath!" I exclaimed, as I dropped the blanket that had been covering the purple tank-top and black laced panties that were riding up my posterior. I hopped right into the bathtub, and sat up on my knees to turn the water on and scooted forward enough to let the others in.

Suddenly, the straight boy was staring at my ass. "Those are girl ones - really girl panties, huh?" he said. "Stop staring at his ass!" my sister shouted. I clumsily poured half of our shampoo into the bathtub, to make it super bubbly. Neither of the two would get in with me, so I whined and chugged my champagne. Suddenly, the suicidal thoughts began to surface, and I freely and recklessly shot my words around like missiles in war. I took everything around the bath, and threw it against the wall. I began to alarm my sister and the straight boy, but the alcohol had already taken over. Eventually they decided to leave, after I promised them I wouldn't hurt myself, not matter how much I desired to.

After they left, I poured the remaining champagne on my head, murmured my putrid feelings to myself, and crawled my way up the stairs completely naked, all the way to my unmade, blanket infested bed...

Dear Future Drag Mother (letter #2)

Dear Future Drag Mama,


Today was Christmas - my favorite Holiday (until this year). Everything was really nice, I got some really neat presents, it was very festive and pretty, the family was all in good spirits, etc. But something upset  me - I mean, upset me so much, I didn't realize it affected me so negatively until my mood completely altered, and I sank deep into my black hold of depression.


I had received these wonderful pink 80s-esque tights, with this unusual design, and this very fashionable shirt that you can wear as a short dress with a built-in black belt that goes over the waist. My sister had also be given the same shirt, but a different color (purple). 


I tried on my outfit, with my pair of black zip-up boots, and I went into the living room to show my mom. She was down stairs, and it was just my dad and my younger siblings in the room. "Those are really bright," my dad said with eyebrows raised - of course I expected a predictable response like that.Then I had my sister try on my black pair of tights I had also received, with her shirt, and these gorgeous tan heels I bought her for Christmas. "Wow.... Spicy, Sis!" He exclaimed to my sister. I had expected that as well.


Then a little while later, I just began to feel awful... I wasn't feeling good physically, and then mentally I felt like the hulk picked me up and shook my like a rag doll. It occurred to me that it was partially because of my dad's comment. I so badly want to be seen as beautiful or attractive, or at least female - I never expect my dad to fully accept me, especially as a female, but it's difficult. He's been gone in North Dakota for 2 1/2 weeks, and I swear, because of this crucial experimental stage in my life, odds are, I'm going to be dressed as a full-blown girl, one day when he comes home and he'll have no clue what's going on. 


Was there ever a time you wanted to be treated and accepted as (at least) more of a girl, when you hadn't fully put on the part? Is it fair of me to hope for people to treat me that way, when I'm half-assing it, as some might consider it? I know it'd be too much for me to be a full-blown girl one day, and then the very next morning, in boxers, a boy shirt, unshaven, and talking in a low voice. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bigender, because there is definitely a side to me that is very much male, or is that because I'm in a male's body that it appears so? The questions only seem to increase in numbers, and there's no one who understands or knows enough about most of this, to give me a legitimate answer.  


Please hurry to my rescue!


Sincerely,


-Gomorrah 


P.S. I'm highly considering dying my hair deep red. 

Spicy Candy

The inspiration that strikes me at seemingly randomness, has once again sunk its fangs into me... I was trying out some new looks for my open mic performance coming up in a couple days, when I decided I'd do a photo shoot. *note:* Thanks a million times, to my wonderful sister who tolerates giving away all these free (mostly) photo shoots.

The goal of this photo shoot, was to capture a quirky, flirtatious character, by means of overdone makeup, candy props, and odd poses.

In Color:

This first picture was captured with that lucky magick that seems to be inevitable randomness.

Two ignoramuses splatted on the head with one water balloon: I've always wanted to put my hands above my head like that, and I've always wanted to pose with some random object in my mouth, in a photo shoot.

Yes, the 80s has always been a heavy influence on me... The colors, the patterns, the shapes... It was as though for a whole decade, people allowed their inner child to thrive.

I once saw Jesse McCartney biting his lip, and I thought it was super cute, so I had to steal it. Mwahahah...

Dear Future Drag Mother (letter #1)

Dear future Drag Mother,

first of all... Where the hell are you already?!

... And now to the letter. 

Lately, my gender has been very problematic. I can't decide if I'm genderqueer, or if I'm simply transgendered. I'd try to get therapy, which I will at some point, but hello?! That's what a Drag Mother is for!! *winks* Anyway, cross-dressing has become an integral part of my life. I simply can't go into public without at least half of my clothes being categorized as female clothes, and don't get me started on the makeup. And if I am rushed at home to go to town, sometimes I will wear 'boy clothes,' but I always feel the need to wear my rainbow hat, like a warning sign that I'm anything but the 'S' in the rainbow - silly, I know. 

The biggest problem, and complex for me, as of now, is dealing with pronouns and pet-names. I get angry when people refer to me as anything remotely masculine. "Dude,' is like a crowbar scraping against a blackboard for me. But then I noticed, if people aren't 100% genuine, when referring to me as a female pronoun, that will also upset me. I don't know what to do. Your Average Joe hasn't got a clue, and I know for the most part, they aren't trying to cause any harm. 

Another issue I have, is within my sexuality. Every time I think, "Well, I'm obviously a female, and I should act accordingly," I remember that sexually, I often fantasize about being a top and that really throws me off. I mean, sure a female could be a top, but it kinda helps to have a you know what. PLUS, I'm only sexually attracted to guys. So maybe, I've answered my own question - I'm simply a genderqueer who is biologically male, but will always strongly be associated internally as a female. I guess being a drag queen would be the ideal outlet for me, for now. 

I'm in my butterfly cocoon always metamorphosing, but alas, sometimes I don't have the patients to see what color my wings are going to be. 

Please don't leave me incubating,

-Gomorrah Alice 

Badass Boots

Last night, I was in dire need to release some creativity in physical form, as opposed to all the singing, and writing related projects I've been doing. So I took out the brushes, and paint, found "Madonna: Truth or Dare," and transformed some Boring Boots, into some Badass Boots. 

What do you ya think? 

The Religion of Creativity

When people ask me what my interests are, the first thing that usually floats around in my head, is an endless list of creative things, that could be summed up under a simple sentence of, "I love art." Pop! Pop! That long list about: colors, lighting, sounds, nature, creating, and so on, is all converted into a simple sentence. And then I'll go on and mention some other subjects unrelated to art, but still underlying creativity. I usually save people that list, unless they've given me a reason to believe they'd care to hear me babble for hours about my passion for living creatively. 


The truth is, while there are many creatives, there are just as many who use unconventional forms of "creative" outlets, to release their emotions. Take a stereotypical American teenage girl, for example; when she's feeling irritated, she calls up her girl friends and chats things out (at the expense of her friends): 


"blah, blah, blah... Oh my gawd, I hate it when my mom makes me do dishes... I mean, like, school is really hard to do when you're busy passing notes, and doing your makeup during class. Like, all she does is work all day, make dinner, and take care of Tommy. Psh... Like, whatever..."   


Or, she takes it out on her younger sibling, bitching about how she wants to watch her favorite t.v. show, "Secret Life," and not "Go Diego, Go." 


"Tommy, turn this shit off! I need to see if Ricky proposes to Amy!" 


Every person enforces some amount of creativity, and it's all about learning how to harness and direct that creativity into an outlet that's productive. That's what living creativity religiously is all about. You make it a part of your every day life. You'll find that life is more fulfilling when you live it creatively - it gives you a bigger sense of purpose. And many would assume that this only applies to art forms (what is 'art,' anyway?), wrongo! It can be little things, such as the way you view people. If you think of people as walking talking canvases, a mall is practically an art gallery. 



Here's a short list of tips to improve creativity:


• In moments of bleakness, try approaching things from different angles 
• Read lots of books
• Be open minded and try new things
• Be sensitive to your surroundings (every detail is special in its own right)
• Learn from other creative people who inspire you


Here's a list of some positive effects creativity can have on a person:


•  You can give boredom the middle finger
•  Make better of 'negative' situations
•  Improve your overall mental health (decrease the stress)
•  Live a more fulfilling life


There's a wonderful creative that goes by the name of Julia Cameron. Her book, "The Artist's way," is a wonderful book to inspire people to be more creative, and to unblock people who are no longer flowing with creativity. 


I like to look at life as a living canvas, and we are the artists of our lives, therefor; when we live our lives the way we dream, we create our art the way we dream. It's never too early to be creative, and it's never too late. 


-Turtle Dove